Relationships can be fun, and also hard work. They can be fulfilling while also challenging. If you are experiencing something other than your usual friendly, happy and loving relationship, then maybe it’s time to review where your relationship is at? In this blog, we can help you do so by addressing all facets of your relationship, from your love story, signs of stress, what you can do to reconnect with your partner, and why counselling is a neutral medium.
Your Love Story
Relationships and love are one of the most beautiful things. Your heart is full, you glow, and happiness is a 24/7 event. Together, you exchange many “I love you’s”, giving and receiving gifts, taking mini vacays, where all you seem to do is stay in bed and hold each other close. Then typically, or not, you get engaged, married, go on a honeymoon, and everything seems right in the world. However, sometime later the cracks start to appear. Life becomes mundane, and your initial connection and spark has fizzled. So what happened?
At the start of any new relationship, either platonic or romantic, we tend to have beer goggles on. We are constantly in a dream state where we can overlook morals, disregard personal boundaries, and simply ignore and choose to adore the one we’re with. The newfound attention is welcomed, and it’s like having an out-of-body experience, constantly on a high. When this occurs it’s like nothing else matters. Then when you come back down to earth, it’s like you are seeing a whole new perspective, and you may not like what you see. It is here that we start to question and doubt the relationship. We may even be disappointed in ourselves for not paying better attention to any warning signs, or contradictions to our beliefs and inner compass.
Signs of Stress
As we discover the faults and dislikes of a person in any relationship, we tend to do a few things. We can push them away, or we can start to judge ourselves for missing their bad habits per se. The culmination of observations then becomes toxic in the relationship. As people shut down their energy and emotions, they withdraw, be polite and have shallow conversations about “the weather”. People may also choose to be away from home more and unavailable as a means to escape and not be with the other person. They do this as a way of coping and pulling back their energy, not only to protect themselves but to potentially reevaluate their relationship.
When you notice a sudden change in patterns and behaviours, this is the signal of when to open up a conversation.
What Can you Do to Reconnect with your Partner?
If you are in a relationship that changes suddenly from being loved up and happy, to solemn and meh, then act fast. Because the longer you leave the situation, the longer built-up and suppressed emotions stay contained, and the more work you have to do down the track.
Just for a moment, recall the start of your relationship, when you adored them. You’d like to rekindle that spark and connection, yes? Well, you can! Start with suggesting an outing on neutral turf, the beach, the park etc. Pack food, and drinks, and ensure toilets are nearby so that way you can continue to talk uninterrupted. Then initiate a gentle enquiry such as, “Hey, do you think our relationship is ok? We both seem a little disjointed. What do you think?”. Or something along those lines, using words that involve you both, no finger-pointing, just a subtle probe of “Hey what’s up”.
Whether you receive confirmation that things may not be quite right, the next step is to take further action by suggesting that you see a professional Counsellor. The Counsellor can help you get back on track and re-open the communication lines while helping guide you through this moment in your relationship. People find that having a third party present to buffer through each other’s concerns, assists greatly in patience, understanding and creating new habits that can once more generate that loved-up feeling, but in a more aware and conscious way, respecting each other’s differences.
Why Counselling is a Neutral Medium
Remember, Counselling is a way in which relationships can evolve, be respected and move forward, growing with each other through every stage of life. When seeking a Counsellor, it is important to keep an open mind to give your relationship the opportunity to heal and develop. In most cases, relationships become more solid after seeking a Counsellors advice. This is due to the methods and questions that your professional is skilled in. Counsellors reach depths in your relationship that will impart wisdom in the hope of generating the success and longevity of your relationship.
At Wide Bay Counselling, we understand that all relationships are important and deserve time and attention. However, life can get in the way, and people grow and change, yet we must unite as two individuals who come together as one if we wish to sustain a healthy and long-term connection.
So, whether you are in a romantic or otherwise relationship, we recommend at the first signs of stress, that you contact us to counsel your relationship to a state of wholeness, mutual respect and understanding.
Or, as Sigmund Freud said, “Out of your vulnerabilities will come your strength”.
Let our experienced team of Counsellors at Wide Bay Counselling begin your journey back to love.